I like to think of myself as pragmatic and grounded and not prone to wild flights of fancy. That might be why I get a little uptight sometimes 😉 This week has been quite a doozy for me. For quite some time now I have been feeling a strong dissonance within myself. I could see myself doing and saying things that didn’t line up with my beliefs and desires. At times I almost felt like a bystander in my body as I watched myself move (or not as the case may be) through my life. The past few months have been emotionally challenging for me as I let go of a romantic relationship that wasn’t serving me and have been working to actualize my dream of a local food hall in downtown Lake Worth Beach. I have been plagued by self-doubt and resentment and strong self-criticism. I know I can be hard on myself but this was a whole new level and it felt foreign and just plain weird!
In the past few weeks I have upped my light practices, moving energy through my body and releasing all things that don’t serve me. As this process has unfolded I could feel the dissonance growing. It peaked earlier this week when I was literally feeling schizophrenic between the thoughts that I knew were mine and then these other ones that just felt weird and off and really dark. Thankfully I have powerful angels in my life and I called my coach and soul partner, Donna Porteous. Donna is a gifted healer, coach, and light worker and has helped me through some of my toughest times. We spent nearly two hours on the phone and I couldn’t move beyond the resistance I was experiencing inside myself. Now, I am usually extremely receptive to energy work and Donna has repeatedly exclaimed what a pleasure it is to work with me. On this occasion, there was just no budging me. Those that know me well might have experienced this “wall of Rachel” 🙂 Even I get daunted by it! At the end of our call, after my breath had repeatedly returned to my solar plexus where I could feel something was stuck, Donna invited me to lift whatever it was up to the light and ask it if it wanted to return to the light. So I did and I got a resounding “NO” and almost a sneaky feeling as whatever it was fled back to my body.
Shortly after that we ended the call and I bathed in salt water and oils and then went to bed. The next day it occurred to me that I might have an entity stuck in my body and my energetic field. I don’t know all that much about entities but I have been cleared of them in the past and while the pragmatic part of my brain struggles with the concept, my lived experience says that they are real and they need to be released. This might sound “woo woo” or strange to some people and I”m okay with that 😉 I’ve learned that I just have to go with what I know is real and allow others to be with their own truths. To be honest, I still struggle with the concept of entities and things unseen having such a powerful effect on me. And yet I have a MOUNTAIN of evidence, both personal and shared, to support the idea. So, I give up what I think I know to be with what is.
As these things happen, Donna reached out to me the next day to share some more information with me and I asked her what she thought about an entity being stuck in me. She checked energetically and sure enough, there was something there. We released it together and I kid you not, I immediately felt a sense of relief and lightness. The feeling of schizophrenia dissipated and I could feel “Rachel” returning to all the space she had been pushed out of. I don’t have an explanation, I can only say that life was different after releasing the entity. Areas that had previously been stuck and not moving started to move. Calls came in, love has been shared, and the light has returned to the crevices of my being where it had been pushed out. My thoughts have shifted dramatically. The resentment and self-doubt has tried to creep in again but this time it has been SO MUCH easier to release the thoughts and return to gratitude. I know myself to be a being of light and the experience of residing in dark thoughts for I don’t know how long has been a challenge. Thankfully I have tools and people to help me remember who I really am. I am eternally grateful to all the friends that have reached out to share their love with me. It has helped to know that others can still see me even when I haven’t been able to see myself so clearly.
I have upped my light work and my prayer and am committed to who I really am and being a strong presence of love and compassion on this planet. I am excited about the future again and I trust that it’s all working out for the best, however it works out.
