Eating for the Seasons: Summer Coolers

From helpless and hopeless back to grace

by IHS | Jan 31, 2020 | In Action

I like to think of myself as pragmatic and grounded and not prone to wild flights of fancy. That might be why I get a little uptight sometimes 😉 This week has been quite a doozy for me. For quite some time now I have been feeling a strong dissonance within myself. I could see myself doing and saying things that didn’t line up with my beliefs and desires. At times I almost felt like a bystander in my body as I watched myself move (or not as the case may be) through my life. The past few months have been emotionally challenging for me as I let go of a romantic relationship that wasn’t serving me and have been working to actualize my dream of a local food hall in downtown Lake Worth Beach. I have been plagued by self-doubt and resentment and strong self-criticism. I know I can be hard on myself but this was a whole new level and it felt foreign and just plain weird!

In the past few weeks I have upped my light practices, moving energy through my body and releasing all things that don’t serve me. As this process has unfolded I could feel the dissonance growing. It peaked earlier this week when I was literally feeling schizophrenic between the thoughts that I knew were mine and then these other ones that just felt weird and off and really dark. Thankfully I have powerful angels in my life and I called my coach and soul partner, Donna Porteous. Donna is a gifted healer, coach, and light worker and has helped me through some of my toughest times. We spent nearly two hours on the phone and I couldn’t move beyond the resistance I was experiencing inside myself. Now, I am usually extremely receptive to energy work and Donna has repeatedly exclaimed what a pleasure it is to work with me. On this occasion, there was just no budging me. Those that know me well might have experienced this “wall of Rachel” 🙂 Even I get daunted by it! At the end of our call, after my breath had repeatedly returned to my solar plexus where I could feel something was stuck, Donna invited me to lift whatever it was up to the light and ask it if it wanted to return to the light. So I did and I got a resounding “NO” and almost a sneaky feeling as whatever it was fled back to my body.

Shortly after that we ended the call and I bathed in salt water and oils and then went to bed. The next day it occurred to me that I might have an entity stuck in my body and my energetic field. I don’t know all that much about entities but I have been cleared of them in the past and while the pragmatic part of my brain struggles with the concept, my lived experience says that they are real and they need to be released. This might sound “woo woo” or strange to some people and I”m okay with that 😉 I’ve learned that I just have to go with what I know is real and allow others to be with their own truths. To be honest, I still struggle with the concept of entities and things unseen having such a powerful effect on me. And yet I have a MOUNTAIN of evidence, both personal and shared, to support the idea. So, I give up what I think I know to be with what is.

As these things happen, Donna reached out to me the next day to share some more information with me and I asked her what she thought about an entity being stuck in me. She checked energetically and sure enough, there was something there. We released it together and I kid you not, I immediately felt a sense of relief and lightness. The feeling of schizophrenia dissipated and I could feel “Rachel” returning to all the space she had been pushed out of. I don’t have an explanation, I can only say that life was different after releasing the entity. Areas that had previously been stuck and not moving started to move. Calls came in, love has been shared, and the light has returned to the crevices of my being where it had been pushed out. My thoughts have shifted dramatically. The resentment and self-doubt has tried to creep in again but this time it has been SO MUCH easier to release the thoughts and return to gratitude. I know myself to be a being of light and the experience of residing in dark thoughts for I don’t know how long has been a challenge. Thankfully I have tools and people to help me remember who I really am. I am eternally grateful to all the friends that have reached out to share their love with me. It has helped to know that others can still see me even when I haven’t been able to see myself so clearly.

I have upped my light work and my prayer and am committed to who I really am and being a strong presence of love and compassion on this planet. I am excited about the future again and I trust that it’s all working out for the best, however it works out.

Why I Did It!

by IHS | Feb 12, 2016 | In Action

“Did what?” you may ask. Why, shaved my head, of course. My hair was, as one friend put it, “One of my defining characteristics.” I had long, shiny, luxurious brown hair that tended to curl and frame my face gently. I looked at my hair as my best physical feature and I was proud of it. I spent a considerable amount of time and money on caring for it, this bunch of dead cells that sat atop my head. All in the name of vanity. What was I covering up? What was I hiding? Who was I without those lustrous locks? And what would other people think about me?! All these and more were questions that arose in my mind when thinking about shaving off my hair.

The story begins 15 years ago when I first got into scuba diving and I would look at the shaved heads of the male dive masters with envy as I painstakingly disentangled my hair from my gear, yet again, after a dive. I was attracted to the ease of it. Imagine how simple life would be without all this hair to worry about. But the vanity stopped me. I couldn’t fathom looking so weird! Years passed and the idea faded out of my existence.

Then about a year ago a girlfriend came back from India with her head shaved and a look of serenity and peace on her face. She didn’t look weird, she looked beautiful and so much more like herself. Her light was more visible without any added distractions. I admired her courage but didn’t really think about taking the step myself. And then, within the past couple of weeks, it seems as if all of the circumstances aligned to make shaving my head seem the most natural and obvious step for me at this time.

The seed was planted recently when I was unable to get an appointment with my regular hairdresser – I was distraught. And I’m not overstating the case right now. I was preparing to leave the country for an undefined period of time and I wanted to look my best. My hair was a big piece of that picture. I spent considerable time and energy sourcing other hairdressers and vetting them to see if they had what I was looking for. I eventually found one I was happy with and had a good haircut. I spent money on the cut and then spent more money on the products I purchased to try and make my hair look the way it did when I left the salon (all in vain, might I add). Over the next couple of months I spent hours blowdrying my hair, tying it back, worrying about it, and fixing it. I started to become conscious of how vain I was in regards to my appearance. In the past I had considered myself not very vain about how I looked. In fact, I had actually experienced vanity about not being vain (um, yeah, welcome to my world!) My previous self-image was unraveling as I realized that how I looked had become a priority to me that was beginning to take pride of place. In my quest for self-knowledge and liberation I knew it would serve me well to nip this excess of hubris in the bud before it got out of hand.

Simultaneous to these realizations that I was just as image conscious as every other human being in the world I was planning a trip to Thailand to take part in a one month yoga teacher training. This is the culmination of ten years of desire for me. I have felt the call to deepen my own practice while at the same time sharing my passion and love of the practice with others for a long time. A big part of this coming experience for me is the release of the past five years of illness and limited mobility. My life has been defined by my physical limitations for the past few years and I am finally feeling better and stronger and more like myself. I know that my practice during the next month will be an opportunity to release the muscle memory around my illness and to allow my body to complete the final stages of healing. As I realized that I would be cleansing my body of the last vestiges of illness I also became aware that the hair that I took such pride in was simply long strings of dead sick cells. They carried the memory of my illness and I spent much time and resources in making them look their best! I didn’t want to carry any physical memory of being ill around with me for an indefinite period of time. I wanted to let it all go. All of the fear, and uncertainty, and weakness, and anger, and confusion, and the fear, the fear, the fear. I wanted to let it all go.

And when I serendipitously saw my beloved friend Denise I knew that performing the mundun was the best course of action for me at this time. I knew that I could release everything that I was and everything that I was still grasping on to. I could liberate myself and simplify my life at the same time 🙂 I have to be honest, there was a highly practical aspect to my choice as dealing with long hair while practicing yoga all day and being in the ocean wasn’t appealing. The symmetry of the plan appealed to my love of efficiency and we set the date. I was surprised at how excited I was and I was also pretty sure that once I had done it I would experience “Buyer’s Remorse”.

In preparation I did some research into the meaning of the religious ceremony in India and discovered that it was performed on children between the ages of  one and three. It was partially done for hygienic reasons and partially to mark freedom from the past and a symbolic release of dependence on the mother. All of this was in alignment with what I wanted to accomplish. The morning of the ceremony I luxuriated in the feel of my hair as I ran my hands through it and allowed it to cascade over my face. I washed my hair and anointed it with oils. I gave thanks for every event in my life that had brought me to this point and I gave thanks for this opportunity to experience a new facet of myself. I prayed to Ganesha for guidance as I faced the obstacles in my life and I reminded myself of what is important to me and how it feels to reside in my center. I celebrated Denise’s part and we shared a lovely meal together before we got started.

I decided to donate my long hair to a non-profit that makes wigs for people dealing with debilitating diseases so the first step was to put my hair in a ponytail and cut it off all in one go. The next step was to use a pair of clippers to shave the hair that was left on my scalp. While Denise was doing this I focused on my breath and on being present with the trepidation, the release, and the ease that I was feeling. The final step in the dehairing process was to shave my scalp with a razor. Throughout the process I felt happy and light. It felt good to be letting go. After my head was completely shaved Denise and I chanted the names of the Divine Mother in acknowledgment. In completion we took the hair that was shaved from my head and scattered it in a flowing body of water to symbolize the final release of the past and the return of all that is to the earth.

And then it was done! I was bald! And it feels good 🙂 My head feels physically lighter and the scalp has been highly sensitive. I get a little surprise when I look in the mirror or catch my silhouette but that is fading. I love not having to think about what I’m going to do with my hair or when I have to wash it next. This is definitely the lowest maintenance haircut I have ever had! And most importantly, I am able to relate to myself as something other than the way I look. I am not my hair. I am not my image. I am not the memory of my illness. I am not a body. I am free. For I am still as God created me.